Tuesday, April 28, 2009

what's better than an evening spent dancing!!!!

really there are very few evenings spent better than evenings spent dancing...
ok evenings spent dancing with great friends...

i think someone up thr is pretty happy with me... i spent an utterly amazing weekend in Mcleodganj..... went trekking... but the best part spent a night in a quiet little place... as in the place that we stayed at is somewhere on a mountain... from there you could see mountains a valley and all the stars... believe me all of them... and it was as quiet as you could hope for... naa i am not even trying to describe it.... can think of no adjectives.... and after that night a very tiring trek (i need to become more healthy!) and it was scenic... and today it was dancing with great ol friends.... what else can i ask from life?

hehe ironic.. a part of the night was spent discussing free will/ God/ and how i am agnostic and in the blog i say "someone up thr"!! Lady be consistent!!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

a walk without walking!

Last night was reading this book.. the protagonist(Sylvester) is sad... the kind of sad when you despair... he has gone to drop sopmeone home.. after dropping them he asks his carriage(yeah the book was set in that era.. the before cars era) to leave for his home because he prefers to walk back... he wants to get some air and may be think a little ... relieve himslef of all that is clogging his head (or is it supposed to be heart).. i felt like taking a walk myself.. i had left work pretty late last nite... close to midnight... for some really serious things that had happened in the development environment... although the issue was serious but just the thought that we had reached the why of the thing (although the fixing would be major work and lots of person days lost) was a good one.. i was happy at the end of the day... relieved... not really happy but just content may be... not even content hassle less is more the word if you know what i mean... i could still enter into Vester's feelings... and just reading the novel made me want to go for a walk... by this time it would easliy have been 1.30ish 2...the weather was good... its very hot these days during the day... very very hot (you know chandigarh summers!) but the night was pleasant.. a slight wind was blowing.. the wind at night wasnt hot... it was the perfect weather for a walk.. only it was too late in the night.... i debated whether to go out at this hour... decided against it... felt bad for deciding against it... so i had that walk in my head... in front of my home is the side wall of a school and if i walk along the road for a few steps at less than half a minutes walk is a children's park... i dont like taking a walk in the park... it has proper paths for walking and all but taking a walk loses its charm for me when it's done on a "walk/jog path" it's like doing touristy things when you go to a tourist destination... you can only may be do them once in 10 vacations you take..... so i walked along the park but on the road... the wind was ruffling my hair... there was an ipod playing songs actually the songs were in the background.. light music not loud and definitely not "in" my ears... it was in the background... the volume where its not necessary to hear it... but you can tune into it and may be hear a line and realise you havent really heard it in the thousand times you have heard the song... that volume.... ear phones/ head phones are never really that perfect volume... there was no one around... because it was late... everything was dark but lit by the moon and stars above (which were visible.. no light pollution here!!) there were crickets making noice somewhere... there was definitely the sound of wind in leaves and there was me walking in the midst a stranger amongst freinds... an intruder.... but the beauty is nature welcomes all... it welcomed me as well... i kept walking... my mind thinking... the wind causing a few goose bumps... i thought about sylvester and his grief... the kind which would stay with him for ever... the kind that makes you feel physically hurt.... the kind that just wrenches your gut... i thought about having felt that kind of grief... it seems so long back ago now... all those moments seem so long back ago now.... then it felt as if i would never be able to recover from it... i have.. have come out of it... may be altered... but definitely not scarred... now i can look back at it without skipping a heart beat... now i can think of it as a third person... then i was not able to... now i can be rationale and see why it happened and see how it really had to happen... and why it really is for the good that it happened... i have the benefit of hindsight now... if i could see all that i can see now back then i wouldn't have felt that much pain... then i could have given anything to lessen my pain... now i am just glad nothing did lessen that pain... i dont know why i am glad but i am... may be if i hadnt felt it that one sentence "i will walk home" wouldnt have stirred me.... may be if i hadn't felt it i wouldnt have taken this walk... and i definitely wouldnt have smiled now looking back at it.... that was a hard part of my life... but its over now... and i am glad its over... but also glad it happened.... i wonder where would i be if it hadn't... but i know whereever that was it wouldnt have been a place i liked... life would have been a mess.... or may be not... its just conjecture.... a thought just stuck my mind.. i have been blabbering for so long... so long.. i have been writing ... when i write i feel i am talking to someone... but the beauty is when i started talking (read writing) i was in my room then i went for a walk... and then without even realising at one point i moved from the road near my house to a coffee shop with one of my friends with me... both of us quiet and me talking... as in when you talk... there is one story which continues but it isnt told in one stretch.. .its told in breaks... breaks between silences... both of you are silent... and then you say something and both of you are silent again... not even to fill the silences or the gaps in the silences... but even in the comfortable silences... i dont know how often you have these conversations.... the silent ones but with a few words interpersed.... well anyway so now i am in this coffee shop... both of us are silent... and i am telling her my story.... telling it to her not because she doesn't know it... she knows it... she was with me when i was going through it ... she helped me go through it... but she wasnt physically present when this happened... i just had to tell her in person... not what happened.... that's immaterial and insignificant... but whatever is coming to my mind... the things that i wrote above... we are talking... she is just listening... she sometimes pitches in a nod or a hmm.... or an anecdote of her own... but she is listening.... we are sipping coffee we are talking... it's an ideal evening... no world exists outside the 2 of us... for that moment its just a friend i need... for that moment nothing else matters.... and i say.. you know it doesnt even matter... she smiles... how we loved this song... remember on the last day we painted it on the canteen wall... oh do you remember writing our names thr... how hard it was to leave college... do you remember the way we would sit on the hostel stairs or roof and keep on talking... about everything inconsequential which was somehow always a life altering event... oh and do you remember the 1st time we took the stereo to the roof and the whole hassle of finding where to plug it.... just because listening to "agar hum kahein aur woh muskuraa dein" was meant to be done only on the roof top... the song cannot be confined in the room walls!!! God! what was that!!! hahahahahaha... kitne funny the hum... and oh do you remember the birthdays and the 12o clock cakes... and oh the tarbooz party which we would call the Booze party!!! and what about the time we asked someone to give a lift to our tarbooz!! that has to be the most hilarious single event in the entire 4 years.... or may be the time we sent that bouquet and everyone called on the fake number... his face when he realised what had hit him!!! of dont you remember the rang rang mere rang rang mein.... and baaaabbboooooji zara dheere chalo.... yeah ... remember all that... but what i remember the most is we promised... promised to stay together... you do the laundry i do the cooking and he does the bartan and we rotate... and we are all in one city.... yeah remember that most of all... and one day we will do that.... we definitely will.... thats a promise... but for now i have to get back home... and you have to too.... a real hug... real one... an unseen tear... and its bye... till next time....