An evening well spent....

You have to first understand the setting.... it was a hot day today... the sun was harsh.... but because of the rain yesterday the evening was pleasant... it wasnt windy at all... but it was pleasant... no mosquitoes either.... for evenings spent outdoors mosquitoes are a big consideration in this part of the world.... they alone can ruin your evening.... but i guess thats the silver lining for the heat.... after a pathetic movie post noon we needed coffee.... after spending an hour or two having coffee it was time for an early dinner.... didn't feel like being inside.... so we decided on this restaurant which we know does not serve great food but has a very nice open area.... you can take the stairs and reach your own private area... literally on the top of the world considering everything around is a smaller rise... you can see very far into the city from there... they dont play loud music either... the light was dim too.... so we could see far in to the city..... but because of the clouds there were very few stars.... very very few..... and like i said it wasnt windy... but it wasnt still either.... a very very slight breeze probably.... actually i am guessing at that height where there is no obstruction there would usually be a slight breze... all in all it was pleasant... we were a group of people.... i am guessing all of us having our own troubles.... who doesn't have any... we were chatting... no heart to hearts or anything... chit chat... leg pulling... probably like a million other conversations going on at the same time.... small talk.... i was there... they werent playing songs... only music.... i could hear it in the background... if you wanted you could focus on it if you didnt you could completely forget it... like so many things in the background that have a big hand in making the scene but are easily forgotten... the music played a role .... i was feeling... I can't say feeling happy or sad... or restless or at peace... i can't give the feeling a name... it didn't have any... i just felt... i felt from deep within... it got me in a mode where you appreciate things... not the "I am so happy that even the flowers on the sidewalk are so pretty" feeling... but just feeling... where everything goes a bit deeper than every day... when you listen to a song and think... dude this guy can sing and the song touches you...... it never meant what it means today.,... where you see a person slightly sad and feel what he is feeling... not just because it's a phrase and this is what you usually say... but because you feel it... and not because you have gone through the same thing... you just feel it....... where you see a kid on the sidewalk laughing and you are happy.... where you think... Jagjit Singh is dead I can't ever attend his concert again... ever... for eternity... and you feel something... it's not sadness.... sadness is different... its not restlessness.... it isnt helplesness... its a feeling.... I felt.... i didnt feel "something" i just felt.... probably felt what is to be human........ not in the "being human" way.... but felt alive...... you know how you go through the rut.... wake up go through the daily schedule and then sleep only to wake up next day and go through the entire cycle again.... it was the feeling that takes you through the next month or 2 of the rut... it's the feeling that stops you from asking yourself... what else? what next?.... i didnt get answers..... far from it... but the feeling i got was for the needlessness  of needing the answers..... the questions will remain... always... they will come back to haunt me.... but for today I dont have to think about those questions.... i dont have to ignore them... the questions are there... but i felt... i felt.... cant say i am glad i felt... can't say i am happy i felt... I just felt that i felt... and for now that's enough..... tomorrow of course is another day.......