inertia of living....

remember Newton's 2 law of motion (i think 2nd) any body in its state of uniform rest or motion will stay in the same state unless disturbed by an external force*.....
i was having this discussion with my boss the other day and somehow it steered to him not being happy with his job (i have already told him a lot of times how i hate my present project) so i told him he cannot crib since lots of good things have been happening to him on the personal front..... he says but thats personal life and professional life is different.... i thankfully stopped myself short of saying dude just one u just one life so be thankful for what you are...
but nonetheless it made me think... my professional life, like i already said, stinks these days.... although i like the technology i work on but this particular project i am doing is useless (in the sense no challenging work.... sometimes the work i have to do seems like an assignment for +1 students) and otherwise also nothing great is happening in life... so i assumed the case might be same for many people... the next obvious thought was how many of us are surviving more because of inertia of living and less because they want to live... how many of us dont look forward to the next day (other than for reasons like today was very very pathetic)
i didnt like this thought anymore than i am liking the way my brain is working... i am forced to find a reason to exist other than inertia and i am finding none... every reason i find is as feeble as the previous one...
but then may be... life is a reason to live... may be what i call inertia is a good enough reason... anyway after i die there's no more living... so might as well live till i can... and then the next step....

aag ka kya hai pal do pal mein lagti hai....
bujhte bujhte ek zamaana lagta hai.....

*the law is expressed best to my knowledge and i take no responsibility for anyone flunking in elementary physics after reading this article

Should have but didn't

This friend of mine sent me a forward, some good stuff about a kids dream and achieving it... moral of the story the only person who stops you from achieving your dreams is you...
Now this friend always sends good forwards.... as in he is not one of the... i got it i forward it type person... he is more of a i was reading it and liked it and i thought of sharing it kind of a person... and he does not forward to all people in mailing list in bcc..... i think he forwards what he thinks will make sense to the receiver... and i think that is why his success rate with forwards (that is forwards he sends and i like) is 100% ... well was 100% this one forwards he sent today i didnt like it that much... i didnt like not liking it... i really wanted to like it... may be the mood or sth....

And it got me thinking; just by being more selective with his "recipient" list he has made this "reputation" where i know a forward from him is worth reading and not just skimming through!! How just a small thought goes a long way... in everything.....
although I wish I had liked this last forward also... i liked the 100% hit rate!!! think i can put it in an exception list and keep the hit rate at 100% :-)

losing but happy??!!!

Yesterday i begun the day with the knowledge that i would finally be able to complete this long pending work... pending for almost a week. It was pending because the program hadn't been configured... but yesterday what could have easily taken me 4-5 hours of time took only 20-25 minutes and not because i am highly efficient but because somehow there weren't as many differences "to fix" as usual... so i was very happy.... and i told a colleague who was equally surprised at finding that the work had finished so quick... his suggestion "today seems to be your lucky day.. wish for something!"
i thought of giving it a try but somehow nothing came to my mind... so i realized may be i do have everything!! but seems like this tempted fate! After that i have been surrounded by bad news...
bad news 1. Lost my debit card (thankfully no money lost other than the amount paid for getting a new debit card)
bad news 2. My phone bill is exceptionally high ... exceptionally.... reason: when i was supposed to be dialling 02191XXXXXX i was dialling +91XXXXXX which meant instead of being charged 16cents a minute i was charged 2.5$ a minute :( .. thankfully i know my mistake now!!
bad news 3. i had shipped this order... it went in the confirmation awaited from bank status.... and no confirmation came.. so i ordered again... again no confirmation ... finally asked a friend to ship it for me (my credit card had expired and i was using net banking; may be his credit card would work) ... well of the 3 transactions i did (1 reqd and 2 not reqd) 2 somehow got confirmed.. that too one of them got confirmed after 2 days of placing the order :( .. no thankfully here... more than me losing the money... the "shipped to" person will think me to be such a big fool :(

But somehow after all this i ain't very sad.... may be the shock hasn't quite set in yet!! or may be it is the good luck that had set in yesterday saving me from the worst!!
Although i better be careful... but then again what worse can happen??

P.S: Fate, please don't get tempted again this is not to spite you... but read it like... with you on my side (a big thanks to you) i am sure i will be safe! Please keep helping me!! Thanks ;-)

good old (actually very old) days

Once upon a time (it is suitable to start with this phrase because one it is a long time ago and two it is about the time i believed in the once upon a time stories!!! ) i was in a school...
Today i was reading the school website... i was shocked to see the changes... well not really shocked... that's too strong a word.... lets say reading about the school that is today made my heart skip a beat or two... it was like a link being broken because the school's changed so much!
School starts earlier now.. at 8.20 (5 minutes earlier than 8.25 of our times) the lectures are longer (40 min each as opposed to the 35 min lectures in our time)... the assembly is not the same any more either (though i should be very happy about it... i remember all that feigning fainting in summers to skip the assembly!) it seems they have the normal assembly only 2 days a week... actually looking at the schedule it seems Sat is off now (our time we had full day 8.25 to 4 mon-fri and 8.25 to 1 on alt sat)which would explain the slightly longer hours (8.20 to 4.20) and the smaller assembly....
reading the website took me to those days (obviously!) the days of assembly followed by 3 lectures followed by fruit break (coconut biscuits monday; banana tuesday,thurs and sat; glucose biscuits wed and fri; banana was replaced by orange in winters) followed by 4 lectures followed by lunch at 1:10 (friday kadhi wednesday rajmah one day was sambhar... thurs was most likely chana... though i am forgetting) followed by prep and games....
Every now and then we were lectured in the assembly because the noise levels in the mess were becoming "louder than expected" we would be warned to talk only to the person sitting on your right and left and not those sitting across the table! Followed by this "outburst" from the principal would be a re-arrangement of seats (we used to sit house wise in mess) which would mean boy boy girl boy boy girl boy boy formation... where the 3 (boy boy girl) would be from different classes... i think the noise levels were contained only for a day or two after which it was back to sitting with your class mates or making good enough friends with the person next to u to be able to talk all the while!
Talking in prep was another problem... prep as you might know is meant for "self studies" and despite my school being filled with very very very naughty kids prep time everyone was really silent.... the lecture time was noisier than the prep time... i don't know how the teachers managed it... but they managed to keep us very quiet! it was as close to pin drop silence as "studently" possible... you could actually hear someone walking in the other end of the corridor!
and talking/communicating in this silence without making noise was a feat we would often accomplish!!!
back in school in 9th for sure (dont remember about 8th and 10th) i was responsible for taking attendance... it was kind of a rule that if u miss school you were to get a signed (by parent/ guardian) application the next day if not on the day you are absent... which meant all the students who "forgot" to get it would make me write this application!!! Our class teacher once asked me "you are a guardian to how many of your classmates?!!" it was a conversational tone and not an accusatory or scolding tone!! She is a very nice lady... knew the secrets of almost all her students... some which their best friends didn't know either!
Then their was this Physics prof... not many people liked him... i did though... his fav punishment would be "Frog Jumps in the corridor" it would be fun to watch ;-)
our maths' prof's fav was hitting any student not paying attention with a chalk! (he was the fav teacher of most of the students.. and a very very solid crush of many too!!)
and "Bakra" used to sit in the lab... and his room in the lab used to be called "torture room"... i am yet to meet a student who liked him!!! i remember one of my classmates was called to the room and probably lectured (you couldn't hit students in our school) she came back really sad and all of us said... full sympathies with you... she starts grinning and says i am happy now... i am so rich in sympathies!!!!
seems like this narration is going no where and is fit to be in my diary and not a blog!!
but anyway since i have typed so much and this might remind you of your school days and the first crushes it can be left here!!

What's in a name?

Clarification.. the title is not because of lack of finding a suitable name.. but because it is suitable :P

Last week my boss was blessed with a baby girl... a few days ago we were to have a meeting and since no one had yet dialled in, we were having "small talk" so i asked him whether they (his wife and him) had thought of a name for their daughter yet... he said no... and that it has to start with 'V' and they are thinking... asking for my suggestions... by this time my other boss had joined us and he suggested babynames.com !! Dunno why i didnt like the idea...as in u google to find the release dates for the movie... not for finding a name for your baby... it just sounded too impersonal..... and i believe your Kid, that too 1st one is anything but "impersonal"!! Call me old fashioned but i just couldnt digest the idea (although thankfully for once i nkew when to shut my big mouth and didnt show my displeasure ;-) )

The next day i had to write a tool... i couldnt think of a suitable name for it...
we have a lot of 'conventions' for naming a program... this being an SAP program had to start with Z or /DCSEA/ the namespace for our project... i stuck with Z since it is not a customer program but a tool.... so i am stuck at 'Z_' and dont know what to name it despite having all those guidelines... should be meaning full/.... i know it uploads data from remedy/cognos to SAP... so Z_REMEDY_TO_SAP was fine so was Z_COGNOS_TO_SAP or Z_DATA_UPLOAD_REMEDY_TO_SAP but somehow none of these felt right... and i ended uo naming the code Z_CANT_THINK_OF_A_NAME with a view of renaming it later....

then i was reminded of my boss who has to name his daughter... as in i assume a program has no feelings so whatever u name it; it will not mind... but when u are naming ur kid u kind of decide a major part of their life.... most likely all their lives they will be referred to by the name u give them... that is what people will know them by.... may be made fun of because of that... or like this friend of mine who says "my parents are very unimaginative they have given me the most common name"... just one decision on your part.... matters so much to another person's whole life... sooo much..... it just sounds like such a big responsibility.... and thr he was looking at babynames.com..... just didnt feel right....
my dad gave me my name... he wanted me to be called by this name... so i like it.... as in it feels good thinking about it...
on the othr hand imagine... "hey dad, who gave me my name?"
"oh i think i did"
"you did!!" (all excited)
"yeah i logged on to babynames.com; checked some 100 names (after which my eyes started paining) and i picked up the best from thr"
or better still "yeah i logged on to babynames.com and that was the name of the day i liked it; so that's why u are called "ohelo" .. unique isnt it?"
"yeah sure! "


P.S: i bought Lindt Guava (70% cocoa) ("Lindt Edelbitter Mousse Guave") never have had a guava Choc before... Liked it... u can try it too!

Happy Independence Day

India completes 60 years of freedom today.... i have been a part of a lot of those years.....
i dont remember the last time i woke up early to attend the ceremonies on TV or in person.... must have been during college time... when they hoisted the flag they would distribute laddoos.... the laddoo like any food item would vanish within half an hour.... so if u dont wake up no laddoo.....
but today this guy in my team had bought a cake (some fruit cake orange and green concentric circles and obviously the cream was white... so what if the colours weren't in the oder!) so around 12.30 (when most of the client team was out for lunch) all of us got together... took a print out of the flag... put it on the table... and played the national anthem.... must have been years since i last heard it (if it plays on TV i change the channel rather than stand up... cant listen to it sitting down can i?) it was a nice feeling... all of us standing thr at attention... the anthem played on the system.... then after a line or 2 some people joined in.. after another few words some more joined in.... after the first para everybody was singing... it wasnt a group of people singing very loud.... or a group of people attracting attention or telling everyone look its our independence day and we are celebrating it... it was a group of people singing just for themselves; their national anthem...
i dont know what it made other people feel.... but i felt good.... i felt very Indian... and i dont even know what that means! But i felt proud to be one... and i felt happy that i am going back to India... if not tomorrow atleast in the near future.... felt good for the certainity that i call India home and if things go the way i want them to; i always will....
later i was reminded of this particular school assembly when during the national anthem it started raining and all the students started fidgeting... after the end of the song every one was eager to leave(national anthem used to be the last part of the assembly) to everyone's surprise the Principal gave us a good one for fidgeting (we were still in rain) ! A full 30 second lecture concluding with "u keep standing at attention while the national anthem is playing even if a snake crawls on your feet" (he was an army man!!)
That day it sounded like a Principal just making noise and showing authority... but somehow after so many years today i thought may be that wasnt just noise... may be it means something more... i cant say what this more is; although i can feel it!!!

Happy Independence day...

everything in order?

I am not much of an "order loving person" for evidence the DVDs i took out of the cupboard a few weeks ago are still lying on the table (although stacked nicely in a pile i just noticed).... the big chunk of extra carry bags i have been meaning to look through and throw after finding a big cockroah in that area of the cupboard are still there after 4 weeks of the cockroach being spotted ?(although i hope the HIT would have done the job)....
My room is not a mess.... but its not also what you call "the perfect room"
its livable by any standards... but its not completely in order... know what i mean??
but one thing i need in order is my money... Before you get any ideas... i am not talking about investments and shares.... i am very bad at money... i dont even know how much salary i get (i am not lying) i have a very fair idea... but the exact amount... i am a bit reckless... but i still like it being ordered... by ordered i mean i want all the 2 Dollar notes rt in front followed by any 5s or 10s and the 50s in the second pocket and all these notes should be facing the same way.... somehow... i dont know why i am very particular about this.... i just have to have it in order... and i have noticed not many people here do that... more often than not when i get back change it is not ordered.... it wasnt the case back home... but here inevitably i have to arrange the money... i so hate it... and sometimes i think its just silly to waste precious time just arranging the currency... and put it like it was handed to me,.... but then the next time i take out money i arrange it....
think this is just a part of my lunacy that i have to live with..... but seriously i wonder when will people start putting there money in order..... so that the change i get is in order ;-)

Monday morning thoughts

Monday morning, after the alarm has been snoozed 3 times and switched off.... after i have made up my mind to finally leave the bed... but before i have actually left it; a thousand thoughts come to my mind.... sometimes even i am amazed how could such a sleepy brain think so many things; that too on a monday morning.... but then again as long as its not work the brain works ;-)
the thoughts that cross my mind are... weird actually considering that it is still early on a monday morning.... they will start with being simple painless thoughts like cant i take an off today... may be call in sick... just half a day may be... or else call the manager and say i will come in late and reach only by 10~10.30.... or else not do anything just sleep and then when i wake up i will think about how to tackle my day... then slowly the thoughts move on to when will i stop thinking like this... when will a monday morning be not accompanied by any blues... then i tell myself may be when i stop working... then i think when will i take a retirment.... an early retirement to do something i always wanted to do(which i know not what it is) is a dream for me (like most people i know) and then i think will it really be possible... and then i think will the early be early enough.... and then i think why not give everything up and move to the himalayas... and then again may be taking a half day is an easier option.... these thoughts dont really occur in the mentioned order and take less time coming to my mind than it took to write these(even read these).....
after analysing all possible situations i realise that may be attending office is the sanest wisest and most faesible option and i get up... very reluctantly to get ready and come to work... then the day starts and finishes and i am ready for another weekend......

Theory of negativity

I have a theory; actually i have many theories (despite being a practical person ;-) )....
I have this theory that many a times we say the exact opposite of what we want... i have believed in it for quite sometime now... like when you want someone to tell you you are looking good today... you say "i think i am looking awful today" (to add the effect you might even add and i am feeling awful too)... if the target audience is correct you are bound to get a "Oh comeon! i think you are lookign marvellous today" in response.... it happens everyday everywhere.... we all know this... this is my theory of negativity..... If you happen to be a team lead it will be good to be able to recognise these "negative" baits thrown to you and appreciate the team member ;-)
There is a next level to this theory ... may be the masters level....this level is what is more common and easier to miss.... infact most of the times missed.... it's like there is this pathetic documentation that needs to be done; you ask one of your more efficient team members to do half of it... he she might say is tehre no one else to do it or sth on these lines which is almost a direct no... then after realising you stand by what you said; the team member might say if i am doing half of it... i might as well do the other half... anyway it wouldn't take time; it needs no brains to do it!
By this they actually mean u asking me to do a dud's work... have u no sense? leave it i will do it all (like your mom said after she asked u to clean ur room and u refused sometimes she would say allrite in that case i will clean it for you... which was a sure sign of better do it now!)

Why I am talking about this theory is, that i prefer it when things are said in the right way rather than when they are said in the opposite way... i would rather someone say "hey i am looking good today rt?" than "i know i am looking ugly"... but i have realised despite not liking it i tend to use it once in a while.... and also, seems like i am at the expert level of practising this so no one falls to my bait!! and then i feel sad.... and then i realise that i asked for it and i feel even sadder...
by the end it becomes so complicated that i dont realise what made me sadder; what i wanted did not happen; or teh other person didnt realise what i wnated or i know my relations so "un-well" taht i dont even know who will know what i really want and who wouldn't....
but Thank God for the complications at least i forget what made me sad initially which is really the root cause and therefore everything else evaporates too!!!!


P.S1: If the above didnt make sense.... well while i was writing it; it felt sensible
P.S2: The basis for the above theory is a survey * and the observations made by the "surveyed".


* done on exactly one person - me