what is important?

The other day... actually yesterday... we were coming back from somewhere.. a long drive and i was very sleepy and tired... a nice song was playing in the background and i wanted to sing along... but i was so tired that even singing along seemed like a thing for which i will have to make an effort.... imagine!! this has never happened to me before in my knowledge!! never ever!

this got me thinking... if it wasn't for my voice how would i communicate... as far as i know most people communicate through words and sounds 90 percent of the times if not more.... and considering this you would assume that talking will be a fairly advanced means of communication... as in man has been working at it for so many centuries now,.... of course it should be advanced and almost perfect means of communication..... but no.... words fail miserably when trying to explain anything of importance.... we depend so much on other senses.... like sense of smell... sense of sight.... even sense of touch sometimes.... like how do u explain an 'Apple' to someone who hasn't ever seen/tasted an apple.... how??? it is red in colour... and it is a fruit... almost spherical but with bumps at top and bottom.. it tastes sweet.... had you not seen an apple would you have been able to imagine what i am talking about.... everything we say and we talk about and think is so limited by what we have experienced.... that i think we humans have very limited imagination.... lets take the example of 'the bee movie' when he talks about the bee world... he makes it so similar to the human world... going to office going to college etc etc... having friends... having bosses.... this is our world.... not their world i don't know what i am trying to say...

see lets say i want to tell someone how i feel about that someone... OK lets say i want to tell my mom how i feel about her... what can i say??? i love you???? i love my fav song also but that's not the same..... how can i ever tell her what i feel.....

the point being we have very narrow imagination.... and whatever imagination/thoughts we have we cannot even express those... how limited is the interface we have with the outside world.... we as a community and we as a person.... first i cant imagine/feel a large plethora of things and then i cant even express the ones i know/feel/experience..... how into ourselves we all are..... and how little thought we give it!!!



i don't know......

if you'r happy and u know it ... clap your hands...

If you are happy and you know it and you really want to show it... clap your hands.....
If you are happy and you know it and you really want to show it... Tap your feet.....

Right now I am in a "I am happy and I want to write" mood.... The kind of happiness when you feel life is beautiful.... when you appreciate the small flowers on the side walk.... in fact when you find beauty in the traffic signal timer too!!! when you look at strangers and smile.... when you don't mind if someone overtakes you in a queue.... when there is music in the telephone ring..... when there is contentment... when there is no hurry for anything.... when you feel like helping people.... when you smile for no apparent reason.... and it is not a forced smile.... when with this smile your eyes smile too.... and so do the people around you...... when all of a sudden things are put in a very different perspective....... i am in this mood now.... and i feel mine 'is the Earth and everything that's in it'.... I feel like reading poetry..... I feel like being a poem!!!

Clap my hands.....
tap my feet....

Dil mein mere hai dard-e-disco

Disclaimer: The blog's got nothing to do with the title... but i just like this song for being as arbit as it is!! 'picchle mahine ki 26 ko' so here u are!!!

I dont know what to write... but it is a Friday and i dont feel like working... and its not even as if i am loaded with work or anything that i have to have to finish it.... waiting for updates/inputs etc etc which means really no work.... so here i am writing a blog titled 'Dil mein mere hai dard-e-disco' how free can you get!! and this isn't even my fav song these days!! My fav song these days is "maujaan hi maujaan... shaam sawere hun maujaan hi maujaan..... oh maahi mera sharbat warga... oh maahi tainu gat gat peejaan... oh maahi mera dil mainu de de dil mainu de de khul ke jee laan... mithre haase oh maahi mere aase paase......." the song is soooo nice!!! somehow makes me want to dance!!! and amazingly it plays on one of the radio channels on my way to office! no wonder i am in a good mood all through the day :-)
oh maahi mera sone warga... oh maahi tainu chum chum rakhna....

do u know what happened today... for the first time in my entire life someone said to me "shakal se lagta hai aap bahut bolte hoge" otherwise generally it is... after knowing me for a long time ppl tell me when i first met you i thought u were a very quiet 'shareef' kind of a girl... now i know how mistaken i was!!! so i am used to hearing that; was kind of taken aback when this person tells me looks like u talk a lot!!!! nice nice... seems like lots of changes happening around me!!!

Somethings you just wouldnt do

There are somethings in life you just wouldnt do... just wouldnt... for me this includes drinking "bad" coffee.... bad by my standards... I love my coffee and i want it just right... i am not very finicky about it... i dont want it to be a particular temperature or with a particular ratio of milk/water/steam/coffee/sugar.... it just has to be pleasing to my palette.... and what i almost hate... abhor... is dispenser coffee.... somehow it tastes bad... it tastes as if it will upset your stomach!!! but i had it today.... i had no other option... what with having driven for 4 hours and finally sleeping at 3.30 AM last nite i was ofcourse sleepy... i wouldnt have wanted anything more than a cup of decent coffee.... but no... Gods must be in a good mood today... in a lets have fun and irritate everyone mood today.... so i get this entirely miserable coffee.... i left half a cup despite being very sleepy!!! very very sleepy :(
the only thing i asked before coming to this place was do we get decent coffee here? i knew work wouldnt be a problem... anyway i dont think i am very ambitious... food obviously isnt since its home made :-)....but coffee (in office)... ofcourse one needs his/her decent cup everyday... everyone should be allowed atleast that much!
but no I had to come here... where they dont serve decent coffee.... where they charge you 12 rupees and give u a small cup of dispenser coffee... which anyway is for free in the pantry... now i am just trying to figure out how costly will my coffee be if i drive from here to the nearest coffee shop and back.... i love coffee but 100 rupees a cup will obviously be a bit too much! not counting the time wasted!!!
Let me figure out!!

just a haircut?

I went to this high funda high cost saloon the other day... to get a hair cut.... wait its not a saloon they are hair dressers!
I had been thr once before when i was feeling real happy and wanted to treat myself... it was a nice experience... those guys do make you feel like you are all that matters...
anyway this time i went... the receptionist recognised me... 'hello ma'am! nice to have you back!" i was impressed... obviously i didnt expect her to remember my name etc and she didnt! but i gave her my name then she asked me since i liked my last session would i like the same hair dresser this time too(she had asked me whether i was satisfied when i had left last time) ... i agreed...
now this guy comes he is all smiles... hey beautiful nice to see you again! so what have you been upto? hows life etc etc small talk....
then asks me what i want this time... relates to what i got last time (for a moment i was surprised he remembers! then i thought but of course they must have fed it in their comps!).... etc etc... and i generally have a good time... we talk about lots of irrelevant things... mainly about me.... like would i like blue hair! why and why not... how cute i am ;-) etc etc
then instead of saying we are running a promotion and we will give you a discount of xx% he says... since you are soo nice and have been so good to me i will ask the receptionist to give you a discount! and with a big you are the best smile added to it!
i knew what he was doing... just playing around with words... nonetheless i felt really good... that guy... infact everyone at that 'hair dressers' is in the vanity industry... and thats what they are playing with... vanity... making people feel good and charging a fortune for that.... but it works... because it is vanity that takes someone there and they know how to get a repeat customer! they make you feel so vain and yet make you like feeling it!!
of course i didnt take it seriously when he finished, looked at me in the mirror and said "woo!! u look like a bollywood star" the spring i had in my step after that had absolutely nothing to do with it!! ;-)

but had i been staying longer here i would definitely have continued going thr at least once a month... if for nothing else just to feel good for being alive!
Thanks :-)

what are you waiting for?

"What are you waiting for? another day another dawn? somewhere we have to find a new way to peace" - AR Rahman & Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan- Gurus of peace
the thing is finding peace isnt that simple.... its very difficult to be at peace with oneself... leave you being at peace with the world... and "world peace".... such a simple concept,... so difficult to attain!!!
this just started me thinking about reasons about why i can be restless/sad.... and then i stumbled on if someone i am in love with is sad..... then i went a step further.... someone i have a major crush on is sad.... the next thought was and he isnt sad because of me.... you dont even exist enough in his life to make him sad.... and this causes you pain.... i felt sadist even thinking about this... but somehow i felt if this was to happen to me... i might not acknowledge it but i will definitely feel it..... i felt bad thinking how low! am i the only one who thinks like this or does it happen to all of you???
am i normal or do i need to get myself enrolled in 'art of life'?

I delete

if it wasn't for the speed (and convenience) of email i would prefer snail mail to email anyday,... as in i prefer the written word to the typed word... have you ever received a letter (not an email) that letter conveys more than the words in it... if i am typing its either times new roman, comics sans, tahoma etc etc same font size mostly or a few bolds/italics... but when it is the written word it varies... if i am very excited about something my hand writing is not very neat and the alphabets are bigger.... if i am sad and not anxious the writing is very neat... if i am anxious its highly untidy and very very big... so on and so forth and sometimes in a written page i can make out my mood just by looking at the writing years afterwards.... i had come to recognize the writing of a few friends too in this way... it was closer to a face to face talk than an email....
but i preferred the written letter... so i tried making my online communication as similar to writing as i could... like while chatting i dont send a smiley unless and until i am really smiling.... i prefer not to delete stuff in an email
rather write 'went to forum sorry not forum shopper's stop" rather than delete forum and write shopper's stop....
i used to do this pretty religiously... just realised dont do it that much anymore.... but anyway....
the point is... today i deleted... deleted a blog i had written... this is a first for me.... never before have i 'destroyed' anything i have written today i did....
am feeling odd......
seems like i have changed....
dont know why i am reminded of the way jack sth says in the apartment 'and this is how it crumbles cookie wise' and i had seen that movie more than an year and a half ago... or was it in 'breakfast at tiffany's' i think apartment.... not sure...

Bells are ringing

I saw this movie yesterday 'Bells are Ringing'... its an old movie (1960 according to imdb.com) starring Judy Holliday and Dean Martin.... its a nice simple movie... a musical actually... i liked watching that movie.... a thought crossed my mind while watching it... some good movies know they are good... i dont know how to put it... they kind of know they are good... so lose their simplicity..... its like when one knows one is great they are so busy being great that they are no longer humble... not really but something like that..... but this movie, bells are ringing, does not know its great.. its simple.... and i liked the simplicity... i would suggest you watch it on a day you are stressed... may be even completely stressed... and then just lose yourself in its simplicity and happiness.... its a movie that in a scene talks about saying hello to strangers on the street.... about helping people for no reason... and this is not the theme of the movie... its a good movie....
actually i made a theory (yet another one!!) if a movie as old as this one is still in 'rent a movie' store... it definitely is a good one... otherwise it would have been off the shelves in 1970 itself!!! so do watch it....
and while you are it and listening to my reccos you might as well watch 'Singing in the rain'... another nice simple movie....

the happy 'lights' and the sad 'lights'

I had gone home for a wedding (hence the long break) ... and the house was all decorated with 'lights' for the occasion... it was all so very festive.... just looking at the decoration made one feel happy and filled with festive spirit....
A few days later after the wedding... the bride gone to her 'new home' all relatives/friends gone to their respective homes and the same lights were now sad.... they didn't fill you with happiness anymore... they were more like a silent spectator to the "gloom" all around.... just there... not knowing what to do with their brightness... but knowing that it is not helping anyone anymore...

and looking at this I knew once more why people say the world is what you make it to be... aint it true... is the world not a good place to live in when one is in love... isn't their romance even in the 'sookhe hue phool' then... and aint even the brightest of blooms very saddening/un-noticeable when you are aching within.....
how it all depends on you and no one else.... still time and again we thank others and blame them too.... and really mean it.... when it is no one but really u responsible for everything that happens to you....
life is strange... but may be one day i will be able to solve the mystery that it is.... then again may be i don't really want to......

have you been sad?

have you ever been sad?? have you ever been so sad that it hurt... physically.... and then thought why do i give someone so much power over me that they can hurt me... this bad.... thought and thought and thought and not come up with an answer good enough.... try to make yourself immune to that someone but failed... and then wondered but why??? then you try and sort things out... but does it help?? no it doesnt because what you feel for them they never felt for you... and you can do everything in this world but force feelings... you cant force feelings you have for someone and you cant force feelings someone has for you.....
what are you left with??? a hangover??? a head ache??? a few tears and the cab driver asking you the directions....
you know the directions you tell him but even his "maam left now?" is a disturbance... you want the cab drive never to end..... but it ends... you come back home.,... tears still falling down your cheeks.... did the driver see those... even if he did it doesnt matter.... does it... its not my country after all..... these are not my people after all.... but if these are not your people how could someone hurt you???/ how could someone hurt you this bad by just being themselves.... do you think they wanted to hurt you??? you know the answer... they never wanted to hurt you... he doesn't even give you enough importance as to think of hurting you.... it hurts you even more.... you reach your room... you notice the maid has cleaned your room... you notice the bed is made the books are arranged the trash is no more thr the clothes are ironed.... you notice but you dont appreciate because you are hurting... and who do you have to blame... yourself.... you ask but why do i do this to myself.... you get no answer..... you thank your good sense/strength at having hidden your feelings from all those who shouldnt know... and you come to a world of the anonymous and pour on.....but does it help.... no it doesn't.... does anything help??? no nothing does... would you rather give away the pain and also what caused it ... no you wouldn't.... you smile... and carry on....

dard mein bhi yeh lab muskura jaate hain
beete lamhein hamein jab bhi yaad aate hain.......

Back after a break...

It's been quite some time since we last talked....

hehe i dont even know who the we are... i mean one part of the "we" is me... but there has to be another part for the "we" to be really "we" and not "me".. i dont know who/what that part is... but i think that aint all that important... is it??

back to what i wanted to say... i am working in a country other than my own... i like it here its pretty comfortable.... but i came with a view of staying here for an year... give or take a few months (few <= 4 months) seems like the Gods have decided to shower their blessings on me and i will be going home (my country) within an year of being here... just 2 weeks more than an year.... I was really happy when i was told this.....

but the other day while coming back from lunch i crossed this police station again... this particular police station is the most cheerful police stations i have seen (from the outside that is) it has red/green/blue/yellow windows.... if you dont know its a police station it looks like may be a theatre (not a movie theatre a 'stage' theatre).... when i didnt know it was a police station i wanted to visit that place... a few minutes later was the 'majestic' looking building... i think it is some kind of a court.... not sure though... but i think so..... whenever i cross that building i tell myself i have to come and visit it.... needless to say i havent really done that!
and that after lunch ride i said to myself may be this is the last time i am crossing it.... i wouldnt get a chance to see it... knowing me i know i wouldnt get down to doing it... its just a court after all.... but i felt something... something strange... something like i might miss this place...
i have never felt like a part of it... i have always felt like an 'insider outsider'... as in i am a part of it but i still aint... kind of i am not detached like a tourist would be... so i am an insider....but then i wouldnt be buying beds and TV here because i know i am going back.... so i am an outsider..... although this place is quite comfortable to live in... i never realised i love it in a way....
i think when i leave (which is not for another month and a half i think) i will definitely miss it....
miss taking the over crowded bus in the evening.... miss the daily lunch of subway sandwich....
miss the 'laa' in end of every sentence.... miss the very different English and accent...
so although i am happy i am going back i will still fee sad while leaving... because without me realising; this place did grow onto me... i did become a part of it.... and it did become a part of me...
i will definitely miss being a part of the country i was never a part of!

Convenient... Very convenient

I stumbled upon this news article in a local newspaper... it said people in Myanmar beat up a clergyman (a Buddhist clergy)... as a reaction to this the monks have "threatened" they will stop taking alms from them unless they apologise!!! (Apparently a good Buddhist must donate to the monks).
Now that's a threat.... Imagine talking to your boss...
Hi boss, I cant work on the project you are assigning me I dont like its name..
No subordinate, you have to work on this...
[Angry] Boss, if you make me work on this I will not take the 30% salary raise you are planning for me
[Sweaty and shivery] Subordinate please dont do that please no... ok ok i will change the name of the project!!!!

If life were that easy for all of us.... "threaten to stop taking alms" God I cant get over it!!! I dont mean to sound offensive or anything but havent these Monks heard of "Beggars cant be choosers" I am not saying they are beggars; they are not and i am not justifying beating up a clergyman... not saying it is allowed... it is as wrong as beating up any person on the street... in my opinion... all men (and women ;-) ) are equal... we just make a big deal of the so called "men of God" but had those monks really been that great wouldn't they have said something to the effect of "Lord forgive them they dont know what they are doing" rather than THREATEN the people and ask for an apology... why would it even matter to them... had they asked for better medical care for the beaten up monk it would have made more sense!!!

I cant get over "we will stop taking alms"... how very convenient a threat and those guys must be so sure of their alms not stopping!!!! Waao!! I am almost jealous of these guys... they have such a convenient life!!!
I know their lives might not be all fun.. but arent they supposed to be following that path because they really want to... and didnt Mark Twain say (in Tom whitewashes the fence - adventures of tom sawyer- one of my all time fav short stories) work is different from fun only because one is what you have to do and other is what you want to do that is why climbing Mt. Everest is fun but doing needle work is work....

Turning 25

The 25th Post... and rules(???) dictate it has to be special....here it goes*:













~Jeeyo

*taking a rain cheque for now... cant think about something "special enough"

amount of information

The amount of information in the world is amazing.... you pick up a newspaper (or the news-site if u so please) and there will be something which might just tease your brain cells... may be some place is mentioned which you have heard about have an idea where it is but not sure what its claim to fame is... you go and search for this place ( i was searching for Macau)... then while reading about this place you come across something else... may be something you know quite a lot about but then again you think of a particular why ( for me it was the sentence " The Roman Catholic church sent some of its greatest missionaries to continue the work of St Francis Xavier, (who died nearby after making many converts in Japan)" and i wondered why are Christians so much into converting everyone to their faith... or is it true for all religions). Then you search for that topic or think after i finish reading this i will read that... so on and so forth you keep on jumping from one topic to another; sometimes very very feebly linked to one another. and you ask yourself do i know anything at all? considering the amount of information in the world.. OK leave the world just Internet may be... the amount i know is zilch... whereas on the other hand if i don't compare it with the total information i do know quite a lot... for starters i know what 2+2 is; i know who wrote "Harry Potter(1 to 7)"; i know how to spell "friend"... i know the origin of the phrase "Dry Run" (so what if i came to know about it only yesterday!) and this is not even a significant percentage of all i know...
If some day i am able to know even 1% of the things to know in this world wouldn't it be great?? i would practically be a know all!!! just by knowing 1 % of the things....
On second thoughts may be it wouldn't be that great after all.... may be i would be so clustered with Information.... so interested in just gathering facts that i will forget why in the first place i gathered that fact... like for example i know what 2 + 2 is because it helps me when i buy stuff at the local super market... i know who wrote Harry Potter may be because i read all of those books and it would help me if i need to search for it in a library... i don't know why i know how to spell friend... even if i spelled it freind it wouldn't matter.. would it...
moral of the story i already know more than i need to know... so why bother ;-)

All said and done its still fun to read arbit stuff in office when there's is zero pending work!!

inertia of living....

remember Newton's 2 law of motion (i think 2nd) any body in its state of uniform rest or motion will stay in the same state unless disturbed by an external force*.....
i was having this discussion with my boss the other day and somehow it steered to him not being happy with his job (i have already told him a lot of times how i hate my present project) so i told him he cannot crib since lots of good things have been happening to him on the personal front..... he says but thats personal life and professional life is different.... i thankfully stopped myself short of saying dude just one u just one life so be thankful for what you are...
but nonetheless it made me think... my professional life, like i already said, stinks these days.... although i like the technology i work on but this particular project i am doing is useless (in the sense no challenging work.... sometimes the work i have to do seems like an assignment for +1 students) and otherwise also nothing great is happening in life... so i assumed the case might be same for many people... the next obvious thought was how many of us are surviving more because of inertia of living and less because they want to live... how many of us dont look forward to the next day (other than for reasons like today was very very pathetic)
i didnt like this thought anymore than i am liking the way my brain is working... i am forced to find a reason to exist other than inertia and i am finding none... every reason i find is as feeble as the previous one...
but then may be... life is a reason to live... may be what i call inertia is a good enough reason... anyway after i die there's no more living... so might as well live till i can... and then the next step....

aag ka kya hai pal do pal mein lagti hai....
bujhte bujhte ek zamaana lagta hai.....

*the law is expressed best to my knowledge and i take no responsibility for anyone flunking in elementary physics after reading this article

Should have but didn't

This friend of mine sent me a forward, some good stuff about a kids dream and achieving it... moral of the story the only person who stops you from achieving your dreams is you...
Now this friend always sends good forwards.... as in he is not one of the... i got it i forward it type person... he is more of a i was reading it and liked it and i thought of sharing it kind of a person... and he does not forward to all people in mailing list in bcc..... i think he forwards what he thinks will make sense to the receiver... and i think that is why his success rate with forwards (that is forwards he sends and i like) is 100% ... well was 100% this one forwards he sent today i didnt like it that much... i didnt like not liking it... i really wanted to like it... may be the mood or sth....

And it got me thinking; just by being more selective with his "recipient" list he has made this "reputation" where i know a forward from him is worth reading and not just skimming through!! How just a small thought goes a long way... in everything.....
although I wish I had liked this last forward also... i liked the 100% hit rate!!! think i can put it in an exception list and keep the hit rate at 100% :-)

losing but happy??!!!

Yesterday i begun the day with the knowledge that i would finally be able to complete this long pending work... pending for almost a week. It was pending because the program hadn't been configured... but yesterday what could have easily taken me 4-5 hours of time took only 20-25 minutes and not because i am highly efficient but because somehow there weren't as many differences "to fix" as usual... so i was very happy.... and i told a colleague who was equally surprised at finding that the work had finished so quick... his suggestion "today seems to be your lucky day.. wish for something!"
i thought of giving it a try but somehow nothing came to my mind... so i realized may be i do have everything!! but seems like this tempted fate! After that i have been surrounded by bad news...
bad news 1. Lost my debit card (thankfully no money lost other than the amount paid for getting a new debit card)
bad news 2. My phone bill is exceptionally high ... exceptionally.... reason: when i was supposed to be dialling 02191XXXXXX i was dialling +91XXXXXX which meant instead of being charged 16cents a minute i was charged 2.5$ a minute :( .. thankfully i know my mistake now!!
bad news 3. i had shipped this order... it went in the confirmation awaited from bank status.... and no confirmation came.. so i ordered again... again no confirmation ... finally asked a friend to ship it for me (my credit card had expired and i was using net banking; may be his credit card would work) ... well of the 3 transactions i did (1 reqd and 2 not reqd) 2 somehow got confirmed.. that too one of them got confirmed after 2 days of placing the order :( .. no thankfully here... more than me losing the money... the "shipped to" person will think me to be such a big fool :(

But somehow after all this i ain't very sad.... may be the shock hasn't quite set in yet!! or may be it is the good luck that had set in yesterday saving me from the worst!!
Although i better be careful... but then again what worse can happen??

P.S: Fate, please don't get tempted again this is not to spite you... but read it like... with you on my side (a big thanks to you) i am sure i will be safe! Please keep helping me!! Thanks ;-)

good old (actually very old) days

Once upon a time (it is suitable to start with this phrase because one it is a long time ago and two it is about the time i believed in the once upon a time stories!!! ) i was in a school...
Today i was reading the school website... i was shocked to see the changes... well not really shocked... that's too strong a word.... lets say reading about the school that is today made my heart skip a beat or two... it was like a link being broken because the school's changed so much!
School starts earlier now.. at 8.20 (5 minutes earlier than 8.25 of our times) the lectures are longer (40 min each as opposed to the 35 min lectures in our time)... the assembly is not the same any more either (though i should be very happy about it... i remember all that feigning fainting in summers to skip the assembly!) it seems they have the normal assembly only 2 days a week... actually looking at the schedule it seems Sat is off now (our time we had full day 8.25 to 4 mon-fri and 8.25 to 1 on alt sat)which would explain the slightly longer hours (8.20 to 4.20) and the smaller assembly....
reading the website took me to those days (obviously!) the days of assembly followed by 3 lectures followed by fruit break (coconut biscuits monday; banana tuesday,thurs and sat; glucose biscuits wed and fri; banana was replaced by orange in winters) followed by 4 lectures followed by lunch at 1:10 (friday kadhi wednesday rajmah one day was sambhar... thurs was most likely chana... though i am forgetting) followed by prep and games....
Every now and then we were lectured in the assembly because the noise levels in the mess were becoming "louder than expected" we would be warned to talk only to the person sitting on your right and left and not those sitting across the table! Followed by this "outburst" from the principal would be a re-arrangement of seats (we used to sit house wise in mess) which would mean boy boy girl boy boy girl boy boy formation... where the 3 (boy boy girl) would be from different classes... i think the noise levels were contained only for a day or two after which it was back to sitting with your class mates or making good enough friends with the person next to u to be able to talk all the while!
Talking in prep was another problem... prep as you might know is meant for "self studies" and despite my school being filled with very very very naughty kids prep time everyone was really silent.... the lecture time was noisier than the prep time... i don't know how the teachers managed it... but they managed to keep us very quiet! it was as close to pin drop silence as "studently" possible... you could actually hear someone walking in the other end of the corridor!
and talking/communicating in this silence without making noise was a feat we would often accomplish!!!
back in school in 9th for sure (dont remember about 8th and 10th) i was responsible for taking attendance... it was kind of a rule that if u miss school you were to get a signed (by parent/ guardian) application the next day if not on the day you are absent... which meant all the students who "forgot" to get it would make me write this application!!! Our class teacher once asked me "you are a guardian to how many of your classmates?!!" it was a conversational tone and not an accusatory or scolding tone!! She is a very nice lady... knew the secrets of almost all her students... some which their best friends didn't know either!
Then their was this Physics prof... not many people liked him... i did though... his fav punishment would be "Frog Jumps in the corridor" it would be fun to watch ;-)
our maths' prof's fav was hitting any student not paying attention with a chalk! (he was the fav teacher of most of the students.. and a very very solid crush of many too!!)
and "Bakra" used to sit in the lab... and his room in the lab used to be called "torture room"... i am yet to meet a student who liked him!!! i remember one of my classmates was called to the room and probably lectured (you couldn't hit students in our school) she came back really sad and all of us said... full sympathies with you... she starts grinning and says i am happy now... i am so rich in sympathies!!!!
seems like this narration is going no where and is fit to be in my diary and not a blog!!
but anyway since i have typed so much and this might remind you of your school days and the first crushes it can be left here!!

What's in a name?

Clarification.. the title is not because of lack of finding a suitable name.. but because it is suitable :P

Last week my boss was blessed with a baby girl... a few days ago we were to have a meeting and since no one had yet dialled in, we were having "small talk" so i asked him whether they (his wife and him) had thought of a name for their daughter yet... he said no... and that it has to start with 'V' and they are thinking... asking for my suggestions... by this time my other boss had joined us and he suggested babynames.com !! Dunno why i didnt like the idea...as in u google to find the release dates for the movie... not for finding a name for your baby... it just sounded too impersonal..... and i believe your Kid, that too 1st one is anything but "impersonal"!! Call me old fashioned but i just couldnt digest the idea (although thankfully for once i nkew when to shut my big mouth and didnt show my displeasure ;-) )

The next day i had to write a tool... i couldnt think of a suitable name for it...
we have a lot of 'conventions' for naming a program... this being an SAP program had to start with Z or /DCSEA/ the namespace for our project... i stuck with Z since it is not a customer program but a tool.... so i am stuck at 'Z_' and dont know what to name it despite having all those guidelines... should be meaning full/.... i know it uploads data from remedy/cognos to SAP... so Z_REMEDY_TO_SAP was fine so was Z_COGNOS_TO_SAP or Z_DATA_UPLOAD_REMEDY_TO_SAP but somehow none of these felt right... and i ended uo naming the code Z_CANT_THINK_OF_A_NAME with a view of renaming it later....

then i was reminded of my boss who has to name his daughter... as in i assume a program has no feelings so whatever u name it; it will not mind... but when u are naming ur kid u kind of decide a major part of their life.... most likely all their lives they will be referred to by the name u give them... that is what people will know them by.... may be made fun of because of that... or like this friend of mine who says "my parents are very unimaginative they have given me the most common name"... just one decision on your part.... matters so much to another person's whole life... sooo much..... it just sounds like such a big responsibility.... and thr he was looking at babynames.com..... just didnt feel right....
my dad gave me my name... he wanted me to be called by this name... so i like it.... as in it feels good thinking about it...
on the othr hand imagine... "hey dad, who gave me my name?"
"oh i think i did"
"you did!!" (all excited)
"yeah i logged on to babynames.com; checked some 100 names (after which my eyes started paining) and i picked up the best from thr"
or better still "yeah i logged on to babynames.com and that was the name of the day i liked it; so that's why u are called "ohelo" .. unique isnt it?"
"yeah sure! "


P.S: i bought Lindt Guava (70% cocoa) ("Lindt Edelbitter Mousse Guave") never have had a guava Choc before... Liked it... u can try it too!

Happy Independence Day

India completes 60 years of freedom today.... i have been a part of a lot of those years.....
i dont remember the last time i woke up early to attend the ceremonies on TV or in person.... must have been during college time... when they hoisted the flag they would distribute laddoos.... the laddoo like any food item would vanish within half an hour.... so if u dont wake up no laddoo.....
but today this guy in my team had bought a cake (some fruit cake orange and green concentric circles and obviously the cream was white... so what if the colours weren't in the oder!) so around 12.30 (when most of the client team was out for lunch) all of us got together... took a print out of the flag... put it on the table... and played the national anthem.... must have been years since i last heard it (if it plays on TV i change the channel rather than stand up... cant listen to it sitting down can i?) it was a nice feeling... all of us standing thr at attention... the anthem played on the system.... then after a line or 2 some people joined in.. after another few words some more joined in.... after the first para everybody was singing... it wasnt a group of people singing very loud.... or a group of people attracting attention or telling everyone look its our independence day and we are celebrating it... it was a group of people singing just for themselves; their national anthem...
i dont know what it made other people feel.... but i felt good.... i felt very Indian... and i dont even know what that means! But i felt proud to be one... and i felt happy that i am going back to India... if not tomorrow atleast in the near future.... felt good for the certainity that i call India home and if things go the way i want them to; i always will....
later i was reminded of this particular school assembly when during the national anthem it started raining and all the students started fidgeting... after the end of the song every one was eager to leave(national anthem used to be the last part of the assembly) to everyone's surprise the Principal gave us a good one for fidgeting (we were still in rain) ! A full 30 second lecture concluding with "u keep standing at attention while the national anthem is playing even if a snake crawls on your feet" (he was an army man!!)
That day it sounded like a Principal just making noise and showing authority... but somehow after so many years today i thought may be that wasnt just noise... may be it means something more... i cant say what this more is; although i can feel it!!!

Happy Independence day...

everything in order?

I am not much of an "order loving person" for evidence the DVDs i took out of the cupboard a few weeks ago are still lying on the table (although stacked nicely in a pile i just noticed).... the big chunk of extra carry bags i have been meaning to look through and throw after finding a big cockroah in that area of the cupboard are still there after 4 weeks of the cockroach being spotted ?(although i hope the HIT would have done the job)....
My room is not a mess.... but its not also what you call "the perfect room"
its livable by any standards... but its not completely in order... know what i mean??
but one thing i need in order is my money... Before you get any ideas... i am not talking about investments and shares.... i am very bad at money... i dont even know how much salary i get (i am not lying) i have a very fair idea... but the exact amount... i am a bit reckless... but i still like it being ordered... by ordered i mean i want all the 2 Dollar notes rt in front followed by any 5s or 10s and the 50s in the second pocket and all these notes should be facing the same way.... somehow... i dont know why i am very particular about this.... i just have to have it in order... and i have noticed not many people here do that... more often than not when i get back change it is not ordered.... it wasnt the case back home... but here inevitably i have to arrange the money... i so hate it... and sometimes i think its just silly to waste precious time just arranging the currency... and put it like it was handed to me,.... but then the next time i take out money i arrange it....
think this is just a part of my lunacy that i have to live with..... but seriously i wonder when will people start putting there money in order..... so that the change i get is in order ;-)

Monday morning thoughts

Monday morning, after the alarm has been snoozed 3 times and switched off.... after i have made up my mind to finally leave the bed... but before i have actually left it; a thousand thoughts come to my mind.... sometimes even i am amazed how could such a sleepy brain think so many things; that too on a monday morning.... but then again as long as its not work the brain works ;-)
the thoughts that cross my mind are... weird actually considering that it is still early on a monday morning.... they will start with being simple painless thoughts like cant i take an off today... may be call in sick... just half a day may be... or else call the manager and say i will come in late and reach only by 10~10.30.... or else not do anything just sleep and then when i wake up i will think about how to tackle my day... then slowly the thoughts move on to when will i stop thinking like this... when will a monday morning be not accompanied by any blues... then i tell myself may be when i stop working... then i think when will i take a retirment.... an early retirement to do something i always wanted to do(which i know not what it is) is a dream for me (like most people i know) and then i think will it really be possible... and then i think will the early be early enough.... and then i think why not give everything up and move to the himalayas... and then again may be taking a half day is an easier option.... these thoughts dont really occur in the mentioned order and take less time coming to my mind than it took to write these(even read these).....
after analysing all possible situations i realise that may be attending office is the sanest wisest and most faesible option and i get up... very reluctantly to get ready and come to work... then the day starts and finishes and i am ready for another weekend......

Theory of negativity

I have a theory; actually i have many theories (despite being a practical person ;-) )....
I have this theory that many a times we say the exact opposite of what we want... i have believed in it for quite sometime now... like when you want someone to tell you you are looking good today... you say "i think i am looking awful today" (to add the effect you might even add and i am feeling awful too)... if the target audience is correct you are bound to get a "Oh comeon! i think you are lookign marvellous today" in response.... it happens everyday everywhere.... we all know this... this is my theory of negativity..... If you happen to be a team lead it will be good to be able to recognise these "negative" baits thrown to you and appreciate the team member ;-)
There is a next level to this theory ... may be the masters level....this level is what is more common and easier to miss.... infact most of the times missed.... it's like there is this pathetic documentation that needs to be done; you ask one of your more efficient team members to do half of it... he she might say is tehre no one else to do it or sth on these lines which is almost a direct no... then after realising you stand by what you said; the team member might say if i am doing half of it... i might as well do the other half... anyway it wouldn't take time; it needs no brains to do it!
By this they actually mean u asking me to do a dud's work... have u no sense? leave it i will do it all (like your mom said after she asked u to clean ur room and u refused sometimes she would say allrite in that case i will clean it for you... which was a sure sign of better do it now!)

Why I am talking about this theory is, that i prefer it when things are said in the right way rather than when they are said in the opposite way... i would rather someone say "hey i am looking good today rt?" than "i know i am looking ugly"... but i have realised despite not liking it i tend to use it once in a while.... and also, seems like i am at the expert level of practising this so no one falls to my bait!! and then i feel sad.... and then i realise that i asked for it and i feel even sadder...
by the end it becomes so complicated that i dont realise what made me sadder; what i wanted did not happen; or teh other person didnt realise what i wnated or i know my relations so "un-well" taht i dont even know who will know what i really want and who wouldn't....
but Thank God for the complications at least i forget what made me sad initially which is really the root cause and therefore everything else evaporates too!!!!


P.S1: If the above didnt make sense.... well while i was writing it; it felt sensible
P.S2: The basis for the above theory is a survey * and the observations made by the "surveyed".


* done on exactly one person - me

Dil Chahta Hai...

Saturday evening we had gone to see this movie called "Partner" ... Its a time pass movie... Good one time watch... during the movie something reminded me of Dil Chahta hai (i dont know what that something was) and then i wanted to watch that movie... yet again....
So last nite i watched it .... And again i fell in love with the movie... i was reminded of the first time i had seen that movie.... we had seen it on the last day of our mid sems... it was a ritual... watching a movie on the last day of mid sems.... sometimes the movie would be bad... sometimes ok.... but we would always watch it.... this time the movie was too good..... Tooo Goood..... we were in 3rd year then i believe..... remember pulling this senior's leg big time.... remember loving the movie and the dialogue "hum cake khaane ke liye kahin bhi pahunch jaate hain" was somehow true for us too.... yesterday i loved it again.... "yeh tumhaare dost hain?" "haan this is sid aur yeh akaash" "bahut gehri dosti lagti hai" "haan yaa to dosti gehri hai yaa yeh photo 3D hai"
"hum naa rahein kabhi yaaron ke bin.... jhilmilaate hon jagmagaate hon apne raaste... yeh khushi rahe roshni rahe apne waaste"
i dont even know why i am writing this peice.... but when i was watching this movie.... it stirred something... and i was happy that it did.....

"kiun aisi ummed ki maine jo aise na kaam hui... door banayi thi manzil to raste mein hi shaam hui"

Love this movie... and all its songs... (although i realised i have only 1 :( )

once upon a dream.....

generally i sleep well.... its not that i always have a dreamless sleep... but most of my dreams are nice, calm and peaceful... or downright senseless..... sometimes a bit confused.....very rare (very very rare) i get scary dreams.... i dont remember waking up scared because of a dream.... although i remember waking up all of a sudden from sleep (long time ago when i was sick with viral fever) because in my dream i had fallen from somewhere... woke up with a shiver and realised nothing wrong and slept again... in fact this happened a lot many times during that one week i was down with fever.... but it was nothing.....
last night although (actually morning since i slept at 5) when i slept i was feeling kind of eerie... so silent so dark and reading about voldemort and killing and what not.... may be i was scared... dont know... more than that it was loneliness... i wanted someone to be in my room... and the 3-4 hours that i slept it was a disturbed sleep... i dont remember any of the dreams i had... but i remember loads of harry potter vs. voldemort things going on in my mind....
nice how imagination screws you up.... and in retrospect; it feels fear is nothing but imagination.... although it is one of the stronger feelings (very few people can ignore it); but i still think it is an imaginary thing... happiness sadness jealousy etc are very real feelings... but fear... what is fear? uncertainity? when are we certain... never.... right from the basic facts like earth revolves around the sun (remember relative motion... who knows what is revolving around what take a bigger picture) to 2 + 2 is 4 (what is 1,2,3,4 some convention only meaning nothing, more like a law rather than a fact) to weather it will be sunny tomorrow... nothing is certain.... so why be scared... why fear.... may be feel sad... but be scared...
i am trying to say something here... dont know whether to myself ... as in to convince myself... or to tell everyone what i realised... i dont know... but right now i have this very strong feeling that fear is nothing... just a fragment of my imagination.... and how can i be scared of something that is a part of me.... i love myself.... love is good... happy not scary.......
yet last night i was scared......

alternate end...

although i hate to admit it... but i realised recentl... i might be a harry potter fan... i have seen all the movies and read all the books (save the last and final which i started reading yesterday)... this might classify me as a fan... to tell you the truth i ws actually waitng for movie 5 and book 7... may be curiosity... frankly i dont think it is a great book or some great author... just interesting.... nonsense... but interesting and captivating non sense... and i read nonsense all the time (thanks to all my freinds keeping me posted with 'latest forwards') so i like reading these books....
much before HP 7 was released i had got a soft copy of the book ( i hate to admit this also) and i had read it... and i almost believed it to be the original (who else can write 650 pages of nonsense... more than that why would somebody) obviously i was proven wrong and it was the fake version i had.... although in that HP had lived....
My boss (client side) loved telling me HP will die and Voldemort will live and i loved opposing him.... we would have this discussion almost daily (for atleast 2 weeks before HP 7 was released) he would come up with various possibilities... starting from HP will turn bad and Voldemort is the real good guy... to both will die and their sons will fight... to harry will die voldemort will live (evil always wins) nd Ron and hermione will rt the 'Legend of Harry potter'....
but the otehr day i felt if in the real book harry actually dies i wouldnt like it.... i seriously wouldnt... i really wanted harry to live... and i thought if he dies then i will right my own version of HP or believe the fake one inwhich he lives..... after all he is just a character.... tried convincing myself it doesn't matetr.... couldn't.....
i just had to think Rowling will make him live... and i was astonished at myself.... a character and i could only believe the fate Rowling had for him... not make up one on my own.... i still cant get over it... its so strange...

P.S: one of my freinds suggested an alternate end... harry dies fighting voldemort;
then he wakes up, in his broom cupboard is still 11 years old... and smiles at his imagination while Aunt Petunia is shouting at him to come and prepare breakfast!

a moon and a star

while walking back from the bus stop ... after a long not so busy not so boring not so free day at work... i looked up at the sky... i dont know why... and there it was... the moon and a star... it wasnt the full moon or anything.... i think the 2nd or 3rd day moon...... just a thin arc.....
it wasnt dark yet... the sky was deep blue... actually not the whole sky just that part around the moon and the star.... the 2 were very close to each other.... close enough to may be form a smiley if a second star was there too..... a bit farther from the moon and the star the sky was clouded.... black clouds... clouds that you are almost sure will bring lots of heavy rain if not a storm... but there with the moon it was pleasant.... no trace of even a white cloud... nothing.... jut deep blue sky and that moon and star.....

Naa jaane kiun hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath.... Achanak yeh Mann.....kissi ke jaane ke baad...... kare phir uski yaad.... chhoti chhoti si baat.... Naa jaane kiun.....
Nice song... this started when i reached home still looking at the sky.......

i like...

after a good coffee in very good weather (read nice not humind wind blowing hard enough to mess your hair) i was walking back home, and it was quite late (by residential area standards) so the streets were mostly deserted, save a car or 2 on the main road....
generally on weekends if not doing anything else i like to take a book and my nano and go sit at the nearby starbucks during the evening,,... this is just what i had done today although the evening had started a but late (around 8 PM local time)
and i realised i like the empty streets and roads so much... specially when the weather is good.... i was almost walking with a spring in my step and singing the song that was playing (i am one of the worst singers i know) at a not so "humming" volume and dancing to it.....
i like the whole setting .... i wish it happened more often.... atleast more often than the "non work" weekdays!!!

jeena issi ka naam hai

tn tanan tanan... tn tanan tanan.....tn tanan tn tn tanan tn tn tanan tanan...... Kissi ki muskuraahaton pe ho nisaar, kissi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar , kissi ke waaste ho tere dil mein pyaaar jeena issi ka naam hai...... tn tanan tanan... tn tanan tanan.....tn tanan tn tn tanan tn tn tanan tanan......
and so goes one of my long time fav songs.... i remember once in college we were about to sleep around 2 or 3 and this song played on a (newly changed to 24 hrs) radio channel and the two of us (i.e. jain and me) jumped up and started dancing around.... the lyrics are so beautiful and so is the music... i just love the song... but i used to like the song more for the Lyrics than the music...
but yesterday i think the mood was a bit too good (i love it when i am in this particular mood... the look at everything from an almost 'çynical'angle mood) when this song played in my mind...
the phrase kissi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar just stuck....
as in am i taking 'kissi ka dard udhar' because i think that person incapable of handling his own dard? what one should rather be doing (obviously as a freind) is help that person take care of his 'dard'.... you think yourself to be that 'God' like and him to be that menial?
imagine a situation; there is this one ''kissi'' whose dard you always take ''udhar'' .... this poor person is devoid of one full emotion!! How sad is that!!!
and then "kisi ki muskuraahaton pe ho nisaar" sacrifice yourself if that will make someone else smile? or sth to that extent... Boss my life is not that meaningless!!!
I had a good laugh over it myself yesterday when i thought about it.... how weird and meaningless this whole part of the song was....
all said and done... i still love the song... and the lyrics:
Kissi ki muskuraahaton pe ho nisaar
kissi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar
kisi ke waaste ho tere dil mein pyaar
jeena issi ka naam hai

maana apni jaeb se fakir hain
fir bhi yaaro dil ke hum ameer hain
mite jo pyaar ke liye woh zindagi
jale bahaar ke liye woh zindagi
kissi ko ho naa ho hamein hai aitbaar
jeena issi ka naam hai

rishta dil se dil ke aitbaar kaa
zinda hai ham-hi se naam pyaar kaa
ke marke bhi kisi ko yaad aaenge
kissi ke aansuon mein muskuraaenge
kahega phool har kali se baar baar
jeena issi ka naam hai......

tn tnan tanan..................................

Crabs for dinner

I am not what you call a sea food person... somehow i just dont like sea food.... i just dont... i remember only one time when i had liked fish... i think fresh water salmon made with some caramel or sth.... that was not very 'fishy' and nice.... but save that one time i have never liked fish/sea food.... so although i was keen on going to this really 'famous for crabs' place i had been able to avoid it till now (obviously unintentionally ;-) ) but this sunday i finally went there....
to be very frank i didn't like the crab anymore than i like fish (save that fresh water caramel salmon) but i liked the whole experience... the ambience was too good (by sea side with nice wind blowing; many ships in the sea; which meant twinkling lights in the distance, and a violent sea which meant the sound of waves hitting the shore just like good music) not to miss the experience of eating something with nut crackers and that stapula kinda thing....a few days ago i had repaired my hand phone with less instruments than used to eat that crab!!
i had never had a crab or a lobster before.... this was a first for me.... first also in the sense that i dont remember eating with dirtying my hands that much in the recent (and also not so recent) past...
another thing to that place's credit it; it has no service charge unlike all other eating places here!!
overall a good evening... although i dont know if i will go back to that place.... may be for a lobster sometime....

unrelated comment: there was another sea food place nearby... their punch line "if it swims , we have it"

pool.....

its been a busy week for me... my brother is here on a vacation.... Its sad going to office when someone sleeps peacefully in your room; and you know he will be out shopping/'touristing'/lazing around the whole day... its just plaint jealousy :-)
but anyway; this does mean that i have had good weekends.... and also week evenings.... i dont remember being so busy on 5 week evenings at a stretch.... but it has been a good week overall....
last weekend we went to the sea beach near my place one of those highly commercialised places called East coast park;after some walking on the sea shore we went to play pool... 2 kids were watching us.... one must be a malaya or may be chinese.... more likely malaya... and may be settled in Singapore, the other one was most likely a Brit (his accent was so Brit!) and was definitely a tourist..... lets call them z_kid_m and z_kid_b respectively.
z_kid_m probably knew a lot about pool and plays it well too ( i suck at the game) and he was just cool-ly observing us play.... and just once in a while when he thought i was making a big blunder would make a very very small noise, and then if i look at him.,... he would say almost inaudibly not from there... you will definitely miss it!! very very cute kid.... just watched the most boring pool game of his entire life i believe....
z_kid_b probably just knew what needs to be done in this game.... but he was so much more voiceferous and active.... actually picked up a ball and said why dont you hit this and put it here (almost putting it in the pocket) this kid was all energy.... when the ball was within a feet of the pocket he would shout with utmost feeling and energy... Oh no just missed!!! or shit missed again!!!!

both the kids were fun in their own cute way.... one making a lot of noise which made him very adorable... the other so silent that you couldn't help but like him a lot....

how strange 2 entirely opposite traits and yet equally adorable!!
Life never ceases to amaze me!!

What has the world come to???

My Boss just came back from Germany(with a stopover in Switzerland)... and got some really delicious Chocolates from the heaven of Chocs.. Swiss..... one of the best i have had!
Those chocolates actually come with a gurantee!!!
What has the world come to??

turning a loser

Well a clarification... loser here is not what you know a loser to be ; a loser is someone who loses stuff... even materialistic stuff... someone who is prone to losing may be keys money pens etc...
i was never such a loser when i was younger...in college once i lost my bag and i got it back after a few days!!!! same with my college I-card also.... and i had the same eraser for 4 years in college!!!!!
when i was in school i would often lose my pen but i would be sure to get it back sooner or later... dont remember whether i got it or not... but i remember till recently i felt if i lose stuff i get it back... and thanks to orkut it has been true for my freinds also.... all freinds i lost touch with i am in touch with again!!!
but last month... i lost my keys... and didn't find em... and yesterday i lost my access card and didnt find it.... i was very sad in the morning when i realised that.... i felt as if the whole world is changing.... i felt funny.... it felt more like a warning for things turning worse in general... may be i am reading too much into nothing... but dont know... couldn't shake the feeling... specially when i was told the admin deptt is out of access cards :(
but i went to that lady she had a card for me :-) may be its just the cloud is a little bit bigger and the silver lining a bit farther.... may be the world is not changing after all.... but waht has changed is that feeling which made me feel whatever i lose i will get it back... now i am not so sure anymore.... i am sure next time i leave my phone on my desk and go somewhere i will not be comfortable till i get it... i will think i have lost it.... next time i leave my wallet in the office over the weekend... i will i think go to office as soon as i realise it rather than wait for the next working day/day.... dont know if it is for better or worse... but it ofcourse is for less comfort!!!!

sleepless in singapore!

its three one two AM local time and i am not sleepy... not just that i couldnt sleep... i lied in bed for around 2 hours then gave up trying! woke up to put on some music... then thought might as well check my mails and scraps etc etc.... had this orkut mail from one of my favourite school teachers... he had sent a mail saying he has uploaded some school pics in orkut.... sure enough i went to the album to checkthem out.... they were pics from treks and tours (an annual thingi in our school ) and some others from i think founders day andathletic meet and i think one was from childrens day celeb (because it was a teachers tug of war pic and i think we had that only during children's day... or was it teachers day... teacher's day we got to decorate our classes and play the teachers.... should be children's day not sure though) i was just transported back... to those days.... and those teachers.... none of my college professors rank as high as the school teachers in my list of favourites.... there was just something about school teachers.... may be i was just lucky... or may be its just that age.... when you believe your teachers are really up there on the pedestal..... i dont know... may be it was just about the teachers i got...
back to treks and tours.... standard 7 we wanted to go to Rohtang Pass... but Rohtang Pass was open to students of Standard 8 and above.... we didnt have that option.... but then we requested our teachers please sir please maam... and they gave in.... that was a nice trek we had.... one of the best thing about treks was we used to get to see a different side of our teachers... when they werent trying to school us all the time.... when they weren't teaching us .... not directly atleast... i believe we did learn to be wiser... or may be learn somethinga bout life... like in himachal while trekking ask any local where is xyz it is alway bas do kadam chaliye... or 15 minute chaliye... it will take u the full day.... like if u touch some wild plant that gives u itchiness... there will be another rt next to it which will cure u... though u can never find it.... but ask a local passing by and he will spot it rt on....
it was good talking to those shopkeepers... they would know tourists and students at that... talk nice,,... where we are from how we like it.... and then there was that comparing of on our trek we did this on our tour we did that right after the treks and tours.... just proving to your class mates you had better time than they did,... and i remember this particular song i had learnt while on the rohtang trek... surangni surangni.... suraangni ka maadu kanwaa... maadu maadu maadu surangni ka maadu... surangni ka maadu kanwa.... dont ask me what it means... i never knew... but the song we liked.... the nexty lines were english though....if u want to meet me darling done come at one... if u want to meet me darling dont come at one ... my father will be waiting with a double barrel gun.... i almost remeber the whole song as well as i remember (x+y )^2
not that school was all fun;... though i am not talking about the exams , that wasnt anything i dreaded because it was more a part of the routine... but there were other problems very much like today.... i had my fill of freinds and problems with freinds and everything.... when i look back... there are certain things i cant figure out why they happened to me... and whats worse there are certain things i cant figure out why i did..... but this particular thing very interesting i remember.... my last room mate and i were together in school... i think this particualar incident is when we were in standard 9 or 10 i cant remember.... it was the athletic meet time; she(Boks) and i were writing certificates (1. it meant we could sit in shadce and get free neembu paani; 2 we were both NOT good at anything remotely to do with sports or athletics) this +2 guy won in one of the events and we didnt know his name... i remember he was a kashmiri and a hostler... and we knew his first name not the last name... which we needed to know to put on the certificate... so we spot him and run after him and say excuse me.... whats your name.... that guy looks utterly confused and says why? Boks says "Personal Interest!!!!" u should have seen his face..... and his freind standing rt next to him was telling him yaar yeh certificate likhti hai... and that guy couldnt understand what is happening.... they way we laughed at it for days!!! whenever we spotted him!!!!! yeah the days were more fun than trouble.....
on second thoughts life is more fun than trouble... no wonder those days were tooo!!!!
i better sleep now my tummy is grumbling and there is nothing i can eat rt now...... on second thoughts i might go to the airport and get sth to eat ... anyway i have to go thr to recieve a frnd in the morning... but that is still 3 hours away... i think sleeping is a better option......

nothing else matters

just some time ago (refer to the previous blog) i was feeling terrible... work related probles and what not... i left office with almost tears in my eyes.... i was feeling really sad and bad and angry and a lot of other negative emotions/feelings... while walking to the bus stop i crossed this fountain where they generally play music... the song they were playing at the time... actually the line that caught my attention; "in the end it doesn't even matter"...
it was magic, i smiled... it was as if all the negativity was released all of a sudden.... just vanished... i was happy again... though the eyes still hurt... but i was more at peace...
how much difference the attitude makes... there i was feeling as if today is the worst day of my life and here i am feeling it doesnt even matter, in the larger picture it really doesn't...
in the larger picture i think only the people matter and nothing else.... and may be also how i live... as in each day... do i smile more than i frown... do i live more than i crib.... and those things... but what technology i work on definitely doesn't matter... doesn't.... but whether i like working on it... tht matters....
Life's Good....

could be worse i believe

I am in office... its arnd 7.30 PM local time... have a bad head ache... my eyes are paining too... though i doubt the will be red.... the ac is a bit too cold for my comfort... it generally is... especially in the evenings when people leave so the heat generated goes down therefore the net cooling effect is higher than that during the day... the ac duct is right over my head therefore my seat is generally cooler than the other areas on the floor.... which means i have goose pimples and a slight ache in my shoulder too.... and the fingers are on the numb side.... i am waiting for the functional consultant to ok the chanegs so that i can move them to test environment and go back home while he does a comprehensive test... i just got a bad news.... this project i was chosen for... because i am one of the more experienced people in the team, the functional consultant assigned to it is someone who is absolutely new, knows nothing about this particular thing we are gonna work on... i felt terrible.... i was so angry i told my manager if he works i wouldnt work on it... make someone else do that... i think i shouldnt have said tht..... but i was angry... it made me feel that when they said you have to do it because we cant trust anyone else to do it, it was not really thta....
and now i am in a soup for opening my big mouth... because they are against me fr saying that the fc is not competent enough..... thr problem who am i to say it??
Yes who am i to say it??? infact who am i at all??? i dont know ... am i my name? am i my degree? am i my qualifications? am i my friends? am i my family? am i my face? am i my structure? am i my emotions? who am i? what would my epitaph read.....
i hate it.....
lets see how worse can things get... i am sure they can get much worse..... hope fr the best/worst...

Lazy Saturday

its yet another lazy saturday afternoon.... woke up late as usual .... infact later than usual... i could hear the rain falling outside.... it was actually pouring.... is a nice feeling.... you are nestled cozily in your room,.... and outside its raining.... from this side of the window the rain is almost romanitc,... though wouldn't like it tht much had it soaked me to my bones.... so listening to the rain i slept again... waking every half an hour and going back to sleep realizing its still raining (oh my fav song on radio... good day today) slept a lot... when i could sleep no longer,... i woke.... cleaned the room to make it inhabitable.... finally it has stopped raining and i am half thinking i should get up and get going... grab lunch or coffee... read a book.... tht reminds me i am out of books to read save 1... will borrow a book also may be and return the earlier ones... sounds like a good idea to me... only if i wasnt sooo sleepy!!! Over sleeping has its hangover!!!!