30-45

i normally take 30 minutes to drive to work... dont drive too fast dont drive too slow.... today it took me 45 minutes... no the traffic wasnt that heavy... it was normal traffic... but i think i was driving a bit too slow.... i wonder why?? (i wonder how yesterday u told me about the blue blue sky.... )...
anyway i was driving and thinking... actually i was driving more by instinct than really paying attention i think... and i dont know when i crossed what part of the road... and now that i think about it i wonder why do people say dont go too fast you will miss the beauty that is the journey... i was going too slow today but i still missed the journey... although i cant deny that the drive was a good 45 minutes spent with myself! for that matter i dont even know what i was thinking about... various scenes from my life were coming to my mind in no particular order... at one moment i was thinking of school and another moment of a particular holiday...and then about a song i liked... and then about a really embarrassing incident i had.... there was no thread binding all these memories.. other than these being my memories... they appeared in no particular order.... and when i reached work it was as if i had just lived all those moments... i was feeling so strange.... i was feeling so unlike myself... i wonder what would it feel like to watch a movie on my life...not very different from the experience i had....

sometimes....

Sometimes I don’t want to be practical no more….
Sometimes I don’t want to be logical no more…
Sometimes I don’t want to be real no more…
Sometimes I want to let go…
Let go of everything…
Everything I know…
Everything I know is right….
Everything I know is wrong…
Everything I know hurts me…..
Everything I know makes me happy….
Everyone I know……
Let go of it all… start afresh… start anew… Like a new day a new dawn… Without any prejudices without any hangovers without any hang ups…
Like a kid starts… from the beginning… when he does not know he has to be afraid of heights… when he does not know he has to be afraid of falling…. When he does not know not everyone can be trusted… When he does not know every time you trust you open a window (however small) to let the trust hurt you… to let the trust break you….
Or may be what I really want is to live in a fiction… where deep in your heart you know in the end they will “live happily ever after” in the end everything will be fine…. I know they say “in the end everything is fine, if it isn’t it is not the end” but I think this is just a cheesy line…. A line to get you through your worst days… however it doesn’t seem to work for me!!
For that matter I don’t even know what works for me…. Let me give it a thought… now that I do… I think I don’t know myself at all… at least I don’t know myself enough to put me in words… I don’t know myself enough to say what I like or what I dislike… may be if I gave it a thought I would… not may be definitely if I gave it a thought I would… seems like I haven’t given myself a lot of thought of late… seems like I have been doing a lot of running away of late…. Seems like I need to get rooted again…. Seems like I need to introspect again…. Seems like I need a change…. Seems like I need to get in touch… seems like this is a Monday… and seems like these are the blues talking…. But is it just the day or is it me?????

P.S: Sometimes even a new dress cannot get you through a bad day!

when everything's going right....

When every thing's going right... when u think life's beautiful and you have a near perfect day... something stops it from being perfect... something spoils it... something wipes that smile off your face... you tell yourself... yeah that's life... you ask yourself but why... and then u answer yourself... because this is the real world ... because this is life... because for every thing good there is bad...:-)
and then you tell yourself but that also means for everything bad there is good and this is life... and it is beautiful... and then you realize may be you are giving more importance to things than they deserve... may be may be not... but then again... its a few hours before monday morning... seems like the blues have already set in... may be its gonna be a bad bad monday after all.... and i had read somewhere "what do you expect from a day that starts with a monday morning" as one of my friends said "u expect it to be pathetic and be sure it will live upto your expectations!"

Cheers to life!

and finally i bought it!!! :-)

i am feeling really happy today... now... really really happy... the kind of happiness you can get only after money well spent... the kind of high only shopping can give you....there's this book i have had my eye on for close to 2.5 years now... i hadn't bought it till now because.... well i don't really know..... but i hadn't... it is kind of a collectors item... may be that's why i took time... dunno... had had my eye on it since one of my friend's had lent it to me... and i had read a few pages.... the moment i reached home i started reading it... infact before that when i took it to the counter to buy it... the shopkeeper had a smile on his face.. and he says... now that's a good book!! (that's a book shop i particularly like going to because the owners are avid readers themselves and give a very nice vibe!) and then he opens the book ... reads a few lines from it... we both feel good about it... talk to each other utter nonsense that makes one feel good... and i pay him and come back... now thats what i call the complete shopping experience!!! and a fulfilling one too!!!!

now i just want to get back to the book...

a couplet from the book:
sunte hain bahisht ki taareef; sab darust;
khuda kare woh tera jalwaa gaah ho.....*

*Bahisht: Heaven;
jalwaa gaah: home