....dikhlade thenga un sabko jo udnaa naa jaane!
I had a bad day at work today for no real reason.. other than the system being extremely slow... and i mean EXXTREMEELY slow during the later half of the day.. in fact past few days life at work's a bit sad... sad as in I am no longer smiling while working... there is something missing... not with work but at work.. i dont know what it is... and then i spent the whole of today feeling "not happy from within"... despite getting a very very good news in the evening (one of my BESTEST friends got a call from a B school!!)
well despite this.. i was sad... i was really happy fr her... really really happy... and when i was talking with her i forgot everything else... all my worries everything... but it all came back as soon as i hung up.. and i dont even know what the "IT" was....
while driving back i drove fast.. i "cruised".. i put loud music... i put slow music.... i was trying to forget something i didnt know i remembered... i was trying to "take out my anger on the road... on the city"... i was trying to feel a part of the city... make the city a part of me... get lost in it... like so many people are ... lost in the city without feeling anything... busy with their lives... not bothering enough... not bothering about anything... not things like recession...or the sri lankan team.. they make me sad but not from deep within... things like ... like... things you cant identify... things that make you "word less" things that are so small that you dont even know they are thr... things like calling up a friend and not being able to fix a time to meet him/her in one full week... things like a friend coming all the way from far far away to meet you... and you feeling incomplete when they leave... because you still hadn't talked enough...... because thr coming only made you realise what you are missing..... things like a system so slow that it might as well not be working... things like a vibe.... things like a phone out of reach... things like a fav photograph deleted "by mistake"...
things like not writing in a blog... for months... because in all these months i didnt feel enough....
all these things... they get messed up in your system... they mess you up... they leave a bad after taste... leave you wondering... you really cant do nothing.. can you??? you cant create time you cant "will" a phone into network... you cant... and its not really that big a deal... seriously it's all very small things all inconsequential... really really inconsequential... but try telling yourself that... because you dont even know what made you sad at the first place.. because you are just thinking all this now that you force yourself to think... otherwise its nothing... you know its nothing....
i was supposed to get fuel on the way back... i even took out cash for that... but i forgot! i simply forgot!! and almost reached home with an empty tank... old age that?
PS: Is being sensitive about getting hurt easily or about being careful not to hurt others?
PPS: i saw "62 posts" that was my roll number in college... i love the number...
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