I am walking to the elevator, have to go down to debug something, apparently I debgged the same issue last May. I do remember i did it, only because of the people i interacted with.. I remember the interactions but the pure non work part of it... I remember we had solved it... and I moved on... the mail tells me i had found out the root cause.. same issue now, someone wants me to confirm why is the issue still occuring... yes you can say i am where I was an year ago... my professional life hasn't moved even a single bit... I have reached a point where this doesn't hurt anymore... but that's besides the point... that's not why I had started writing at the first place... let me restart...
There is an issue and I have to go down to debug... I meet my boss on the way down... I dont know if he is my boss... but I dont mind saying that... no ego/self respect whatsoever... i can very easily call him my client counterpart... I think role definition wise that is what he is.... But i dont mind.. it doesn't really matter... he is a good guy.. i like working with him... he is still alive.. manages to joke all the time... so I was in the elevator with him... and as usual we were joking around... and he asks me, "so you enjoy working in this project" i was taken aback... but i smile and answer politely "yesss" and the elevator ride came to an end... (Geneva is not really a place of high rise buildings!) but i am still in the "taken aback" stage... i try to remember last time one of my "bosses" asked me do I enjoy working? I dont think anyone ever did.... No... For that matter I dont even remember asking people who report to me, if they enjoy working in the project... I often tell them the importance of liking what they are doing... of enjoying working on ABAP... but i dont remember if i ever asked them if they enjoy it... may be i should... may be a huge percent will reply politely like i replied politely today... do i enjoy working? i can say without guilt, i used to... I used to sing while working... that is how much i liked it... once upon a time... i remember trying to tell my boss how i dont enjoy working anymore... i dont know if he understood what i meant... i think he took it to mean i need more responsibility... i think i have more responsibility today... but is it the responsibility i like? is it the responsibility i wanted? i dont know... who knows... well i know... but u know what .. i am not one to run away or crib... not that i dont crib... but i believe that all my cribs are my problems and i have to find a solution to them... and i have found a solution to my current problems.... but what is more important is i have decided not to be bothered too much by them... i mean i do my best... i really do... and thats the best i can... so if certain things dont get sorted out with it... then thats it... well on second thoughts i dont know if i do my best... i dont even know what my best is.. afterall can you really do your best when you aren't even enjoying what you are doing... and who knows... everyone has the calibre to surprise themselves with thr achievements... may be i will one day... but for now after a long time i know what i have to do... and that is be happy and ........
PS: Thanks Monsieur for that nasty mail... it was an epiphany!!
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