Conversations in the head...

Ever since I started blogging, there are so many times that I have conversations in my head... I love to talk.... and sometimes I think of something to say and then think it's silly to say it...
like the other day we were going for a team off-site and just because we were leaving office in the afternoon and the next day was a Friday, and it already was "festive" atmosphere, everything became more beautiful ... there is this open field that i cross daily on my way to work... I dont know if the wild red flowers in that field had bloomed during that day or they were always there and i noticed them for the first time that day... have no clue!! The thought came to my mind, and I couldn't say it out loud to anyone... so i thought about putting it in my blog later... this is quite sometime ago... and i haven't written since then... and it is in my blog only because I wanted an example of what I meant! At other times I think these things to myself and I think about putting them in my blog.... sometimes I even start the blog... with proper words and all... in my head.... and later just dont put it... Probably because it's more about saying it there and then rather than saying it.... obviously timing is everything... and many a times I have tried putting what i thought i would put in my blog at a later date... and it never turns out as i thought it would... i am just not in that mood anymore.. as in how can I feel what i felt looking at the wild red flowers, when the only red i see in the room is on the "coca-cola" bottle!! Writing what you are not feeling is just like making things up.... if i could do it i would have been a fiction writer!!

So many times, things remind me of people... and right then i want to talk to them tell them... i was doing this this this and this happened and it reminded me of when we did that... btw how are you doing... lots of times I sms them... sometimes I call them... it's not always possible... sometimes I am in a meeting when this happens... sometimes the timezone comes into picture.... sometimes the person i want to talk to is busy...sometimes i drop a mail... ofcourse that's the easiest...sometimes I dont put these things on SMS/email because you dont always get an instant reply... sometimes you do... and its fun having the conversation then... but lots of times you dont... in that case its worse than having the conversation in my head..... its like talking to someone, being very excited about it and not getting a reply... it just kills the whole thing... no matter how much you understand their side of the story, it will never be the same again.... you can never talk about it with that much enthusiasm! Sometimes there is no reason but it all finishes with me thinking about it and smiling to myself.... and then later that excitement never comes... even if i talk to them at a later stage and relate this incident... it's like watching a very funny movie for a second time... it's still funny... but it's not the same as before..... so many of these moments just pass me by... everyday... just because i have had that conversation in my head/sms/mail... there can be no more 1st conversations about it....

I got myself a bunch of flowers yesterday.... I picked up a bunch first... yellow roses... realised this is what i pick up always.. changed to another bunch of mixed flowers... then suddenly saw another mixed bag which i liked more than the previous one and picked that instead... it was at the counter that i realised all the flowers in this bunch had shades of yellow.... i didn't realise it while picking it up... Later at the counter when i did realise i thought about my dad and my Bro both of whom never forget to remind of my "fixation" with yellow at times like this... i wanted to talk to both of them there and then... but i was at the billing counter... again the entire thing finished in my head... later in the day i talked to both of them... but completely forgot about this.... but i have had this conversation with them... even got their replies... in my head i always do... on SMS/Mail/Phone i might not... but in my head... always!!